Jeff Wadlow & # 39; s Fantasy island Not worth a ticket to paradise, let alone two. Blumhouse's reworked ABC drama is not the fierce sanctuary that trailers or survival posters promote, nor do mystical elements attract nostalgic enjoyment. To be fair, nobody in Blumhouse's planned demographic will understand "tattooing" Easter eggs or remember the 80 televised Fantasy island, but even independently, Fantasy Island: Blumhouse Edition It is careless brand abuse. Never disturbing, rarely exciting and unnecessarily complicated as an almost two-hour movie that lasts an inescapable eternity.
A group of contest winners are taken to an exotic paradise known as "Fantasy Island," where they are presented to the resort manager, Mr. Roarke (Michael Peña). The place is famous for making dreams come true, since Roarke informs his guests that each one is allowed a "fantasy". Melanie (Lucy Hale) and others question how Roarke designs such wild and imaginative requests: hallucinogens in the water, hologram technology, etc., but her host says the island knows everything. One by one, each guest enters their requested fantasy, which does not end until they reach a "natural conclusion." Sinister threat fully anticipated.
Cue a collection of "guests" who all harbor deep regrets or pains that distort superficial value fantasies. Melanie wishes to take revenge on a childhood thug, who plants the kidnapped Sonja (Portia Doubleday) in a lodging house situation. Randall (Austin Stowell) wants to play a soldier for a day, but his Call of Duty war games quickly resurrect the repressed trauma of parents. Brad (Ryan Hansen) and Brax (Jimmy O. Yang), fraudulently adopted "bros" who still get excited about the five and push the crotch, "want it all", but their tan model harem is priced. All the pieces are at stake to explore separate characters who face their own destinies, but that is not enough for the three scribes of Fantasy island. Timelines intersect and continuities collide, which further complicates an already dispersed narrative.
It is already quite difficult for Wadlow to mix tones when jumping from the world of Lucy's porn torture to Brax and Brad's "comedian" Scarface Simulation of Elena's second shot (Maggie Q) to marital happiness. An act of unequal equilibrium that collapses, rebuilds and then collapses again, without the required stability that would keep Roarke's menacing threat interwoven into every fantasy. Brad's fake male chest punch becomes tiresome the moment Melanie calls the duo of the movie's pranksters (maybe three lines of dialogue), especially when they jump from Brad and Brad and Brax's "Crazy Boys" are they throw Randall & # 39; s Apocalypse now fire storm This is all before the guests find themselves with a crazy wing (played by Michael Rooker), a charred supernatural figure is explained and the "Fantaseers" (copyright, I) must defeat the enchanted island voodoo.
Without spoiling why, Fantasy island pivots, well, more razors, from a narrative of mediocre terror to a third incomprehensibly badly planned act that makes too many inexplicable turns. Reunion of the character's growth in the name of psychotic villainy. Mobilize fantasies in a united army versus channel dramatic empathy and danger within the utopia requested by each guest. The more Wadlow's attempts to "surprise" or "surprise" the public, the more his film is revealed to show no commitment to deeper experiences beyond "the secrets in the black water," which is obvious from the first frame when we hear the dripping of said cloudy liquid
Okay, this is Blumhouse pleasing its main audience of gender crowds on Friday nights. I dare to say that even they will be disappointed by the inability of the film to bring terror to this idyllic honeymoon paradise?
Analyzed only in horror writing, Fantasy island It is a shame of rusty and stained riches. Red herring and false hopes that are crossed out instantly when they make fun of them. The camera work that wasteful people reveal instead of persuading the inherent fear. A character who pronounces the phrase "WE MUST join together" just before his group divides one by one with zero justification or recognition of life-saving instruction. Fine fireworks that never explode, low-profile motivational fruits and, worst of all, push Michael Peña to a silent role while his soft and toasted toast faces Mr. Roarke. You will lose Michael Peña in a midnight movie. How is that possible?
From beginning to end Fantasy island It lacks perplexed perplexity and touching reset voice. Mr. Roarke's command center hotel is a part of the happiness of a joyful getaway, but the production design facades were only speechless for so long. While unconscious role players see their fantasies plummet out of control, so do the conflicting intentions of the film and the total lack of urgency. What should be a more dangerous game is a disaster of destiny too long in which the nightmare aspects you would expect from Blumhouse are missing. Toothless, little enthusiastic and a complete and unfortunate failure.